My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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