I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
