Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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