She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
