I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
