Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
