So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
