Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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