no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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