I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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