Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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