I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
