Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
