so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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