how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
