dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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