And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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