I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
The ass gains better be worth it
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