I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
