You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
