Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
