I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
how does that bad decision feel?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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