Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
