the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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