barbara walters just said penis...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
