i think i have two assholes
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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