Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Please don't give away my fajitas
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