Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
where are my eyebrows?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
