My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
