please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
how drunk are you?
Several
last night I used snow as a chaser
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
