Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
