He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
