areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
