I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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