I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
