she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
