And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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