what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
