My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
