You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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