I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
