These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Randomize
