What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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