Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
