Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
