is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
