just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Couch. On fire.
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