my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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