Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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