someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
