i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
