Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
